It was hard work transitioning Cal to preschool this past Fall. It’s such a lovely little play school. The teachers are gently and kind, the room is full of fun toys and he gets to play with water, play dough, sand, dirt — everything a kid could want. But he cried and clung to me and didn’t want to let me drop him off and leave.
This was not one of the parts of parenting I had given much thought to. My heart felt like it was breaking watching him sob and cling to me. It hurt me so much — I would sit at my desk at work with my stomach in knots asking myself if I am doing the right thing.
Happy New Year! Here we are last night all bundled up on the sand, near the ocean that’s about one mile from where we live. It was one of those impromptu plans that just came together so perfectly…
Cal is now at the age where he totally gets what this Christmas thing is all about and it’s SO fun to see the magic through his eyes. I, on the other hand, feel the pressure to figure out what is going to be OUR family holiday traditions going forward, now that he can really understand and remember this stuff.
My parents never told us about Santa Clause because they said they didn’t want us to feel like they had lied to us. I was the type of kid that would have LOVED a few harmless lies, especially one as golden as a bearded jolly man bringing presents down chimneys. I was more upset that I wasn’t lied to about Santa! It felt like I missed out on going to the Prom or something, (which actually did happen, but that’s a story for another day). 🙂
I hate that word so much. I remember bristling when I heard someone use it in my diagnosis for the first time. How could they say that? I wasn’t infertile, I was just not pregnant yet, right? But nope, when you pass that year mark of TTC (trying to conceive), and there is no conception, well, then you get labeled that ugly, ugly word.
My close friends, and even not so close friends, know I am pretty open about my struggles to get pregnant. Writing them on a blog like this is the first time I have committed to really being open on such a public forum, I guess I feel like it’s time to write about it. It’s been a five year journey, and it’s not over yet, so maybe if I can help just one person by sharing my story, I can help it not be such an all-around crappy situation.